This is a meditation that I began doing when I was at a very low point. I had been in the hospital for 6 days for a major depressive episode and had come close to taking my own life. I am so grateful looking back, that I didn't. As far as anyone knows for sure, we only get one crack at this wild ride we call life and it is far too short to spend it shrouded in fear. I took my life for granted and spent way too much time stewing in comparison and shoulds. I wish for that closed-up, half-life on no one. No one! We are all worthy of deep, meaningful, beautiful lives!
As I came back to life, something inside me knew that the path to wholeness was to stop listening to others tell me what was best and turn instead, daringly, to my own voice. I had decided to plant some seed outside the house, as an intentional practice, to participate tangibly with what I was trying to grow within myself: namely love of self and hope. As I sat beside the soil that held a planted seed, I went into my soul’s soil and planted a seed of self-love.
Oh, did it start out small; a few soft, green nubs pushed through the soil. I told myself that I was valuable. I told myself to keep breathing into the seed. I practiced it day after day. After a few weeks, I was growing a nice little plant, it sprouted leaves and they developed a bold, rich color. I was understanding my needs and began to speak up for myself. I was intentional about doing things that made me feel stronger on the inside. If something was asked of me, I would check in with my gut, if it made me feel weak or like I’d have to fake enthusiasm for it, I would say “No.” Glorious, life saving “No.”
It’s been ten years almost to the day from those times sitting out in the yard, watching the soil, planting my tiny seed of self-love. I still practice this meditation and am amazed at the way this plant springs forth from my soul soil! Now it doesn’t hesitate to bloom into wild, giant petaled, desert orange flowers and wind around my arms and legs. I am the same person. I haven’t earned a degree or lost weight or found a life partner, nothing that would make me, on society’s scale, more worthy of love. I just decided to love the person that I am. I plant the seed without judgement of fumbles and missteps. I plant the seed with gratitude for the lessons I’ve had the honor of learning. And with joy I get to keep showing up and trying day after day.
Join me in this practice to grow your Self-Love: