Ok, so… this is when we really start pissing some people off. We have to start making aligned choices about how we are spending our time. It has been said that we are the influenced most heavily by the five people we spend the most time with. Well if that is true, make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who see the best in you, see what you consider the best in yourself. We can’t help who may be our work mate or class mate, i’m talking about the time in our day where we get to choose.
With every choice that comes our way about how we are spending that time, we need to be asking ourselves: “does this make me feel stronger?” or “does this make me feel weaker?”
Does this activity, person, organization make me feel closer to my true self, more aligned with my voice and my intention or farther away. Am I pretending to be excited? Or am I truly stirred and hopeful for this opportunity to spend time? Our time is the most precious resource we have, we only will ever have as much as we have, we can’t create more. So every choice you make on how to spend your time should be considered to maximize your authenticity.
When I started doing this, a few weeks after I was released from the hospital, it was amazing what I heard from my gut. There was a dinner invitation from two women I considered my closest friends at the time that i had to sit with for quite some time. These were fun lovin’, good time friends. We laughed a ton, we danced along to Taylor Swift, but as I sat with this invitation, i realized that they did not have my best interests at heart. I was someone with them that went along with their shenanigans that usually left me feeling as though i had abandoned myself.
I DID end up accepting their invitation, but it was to tell them my new rules and new beliefs about myself. I told them what i was working on and what my needs were in our relationship. I then gave them the choice to walk with me on that path or say goodbye. I got one of each. One friend was able to hold space and shift our activities to those that felt strengthening to us both. And one friend distanced herself from me. Many friends did actually in this process, as i changed dramatically how i was showing up in the world. This may happen to you to, if you need to make big swings and have been ignoring your gut. But I'm here to tell you, the commitment to your personal truth CAN be scary or off-putting to those who really love living in their distractions. So, be ready for that.
Who you are becoming is worth these losses, it’s going to feel hard and sad for a minute, but those who stick with you and cheer you on are the real friends.
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Martha Beck calls this work - integrity. When we make choices that move us closer to our true selves: we are IN INTEGRITY. When we make choices that turn us from our true selves we are OUT OF INTEGRITY. I love this way of thinking about it, that integrity is something that lives within us to dig deeper into, to unearth and feel/see more clearly. Instead of being a rule outside of us, written by man as a code for us to follow. Living with integrity truly means being the most authentic we can be.
So, as you begin to ask yourself with each timeslot, invitation and connection, does this make me stronger or weaker?, you take small steps toward a more authentic life, you begin to align more of your time spent with things that are aligned with your curiosity and voice.
How are you going to spend your time today? Are you going to say no to something you usually say yes to and disappoint someone? Are you doing that because they feel like a drain to your system or make you feel less authentic? If so, WELL DONE YOU!
Feel free to email with any questions, this is a tough one…
holler@jenniearle.com